*~* Beauty and Brains...

Hey everyone. Well, remember that guy Josh I told you about? We ended up making our relationship official and I can't remember ever being so happy. He was so perfect, and a gentleman, and just amazing. My friends and family had never seen me so dang happy. Well, guess what? He broke up with me yesterday. I fell hard and fast for him... harder than I've ever fallen for someone in so short a time. It's crazy. This has to be THE hardest break-up I've been through.... ever! He thinks the long distance relationship thing won't work b/c it's never worked for him before. All his ex's have cheated on him or gotten over him too quick. The thing is I'm dying inside and he still has his doubts. I guess it's his loss. I just hope he realizes it before it's too late. Anyway, I'm just venting. I'll live...even if I feel like dying right now. I can't eat, I'm crying in my sleep... I just don't know what to do. Maybe I wasn't meant to have a "happy ending." What else is new? Oh well... tomorrow's another day.

Hey guys! It's been forever, so I figured I may as well start writing again. The semester's almost over and it's so hard to believe. There's so much that's happened it's insane. First of all, Brandon and I are officially history, and we both agree it's for the best. So, that's good I guess. I met a guy last weekend, Josh, who is amazing. We met at a party from A&M and I've seen him twice since then. I can't remember the last time I felt so happy with a guy. I can't wait to see him again. So that's what's going on in my personal life.

As far as school goes, I'd planned for things to be different, but nothing's changed. I really need time to figure things out. I've decided to go back home for a semester to get my life back together. I think it's for the best. I know I'll have less freedom, but I hope to prove to my parents that I'm more mature than they think. I think I'm also going to start tutoring some kids at my mom's school, so yeah... Other than that, I'm going to career counciling to see if my major really is right for me.

But, that's all for now. I guess I'll update later. Hope everyone's doing well. Take care and God bless!

<3 Danielle

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.  (I always do)	× I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.  (Duh! I love to read.)
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Unfortunately... :()	× I love to play video games.	× I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (No, but I've had at least one... totally scary!)	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.  (Sometimes it may seem that way, but it isn't always)
✓ I curse sometimes.  (Sometimes? I think a little too much, but I'm working on it)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (A LOT!)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )

Here are some poems I worte a while back when I felt inspired to do so. Let me know what you think please. Thanks! Take care and God bless!

<3 Danielle

PS: The 2nd one isn't about me, and I'm not suicidal. I watched a movie that inspired me to write it b/c not everyone is aware that things like that happen everyday. I repeat, it isn't about me.


1. Heartache

Love is blind
I just couldn’t see the truth behind your lies
Day in and day out
You pulled me into your web of deceit
How could I have fallen so hard and so fast for someone like you?
You seemed to have everything I was looking for
And yet nothing good came from you
All the pain and the hurt you caused
All the scars that will forever be imprinted on my heart and soul

2. Alone

She thought of him day in and day out
How he made her feel deep inside
How he had brought a smile to her face
Except for when they said good-bye

The thought of losing him was unbearable
The thought of having to go on without him was severe
In the end it drove her insane
Why couldn’t he have just stayed here?

If he could have stayed by her side
Only then she wouldn’t have done the unthinkable
But no he took off without a reason why
Which caused her to do the unspeakable

No one even worries about why she did it
There’s no doubt that no one really cares
She left this sad world of hers
But it caught no one unawares

Not one person to say a prayer for her
Not one person to say a nice word
Not even a family member or friend
Not one kind word to be heard

She’d cut herself off from everyone
All her family and her friends
She locked herself up in her own sad world
She just wouldn’t let anybody in

In the end the loneliness ate at her
The depression drove her mad
His being gone was all she could think about
And that always kept her sad

So when she left no one knew
No one even noticed
Now she will never be remembered
That poor lonely girl with a broken heart


3. The One

Restless nights
Dreamless sleeps
And yet his memory haunts me so
There is no place I can go
To escape his memory

His touch, his kiss, is warm embrace
I remember them all as if it were yesterday
And yet I know we will never be
And still I refuse to see
That he and I will never be a “we”

Why do I let myself be troubled?
Why do I put myself through this pain?
Yes it was nice when he was around
Yes he could lift me up when I was feeling down
But there is still no reason for this

No reason for me to be haunted so
No reason for me to tortured this way
There are many fish in the sea
So many other guys out there for me
But they are not the one I want

The one I want is special
The one I want is true and pure
I want the guy who made me smile with a simple glance
I want the guy who sang to me when we danced
The one I want is all I’ve ever wanted and more

Oh how I wish he’d come back to me
How I pray day and night for his return
But my wishes fall on deaf ears
I feel as if no one hears
The prayers I’ve so often said into the night

While I lie there in my bed
Staring up into the darkness
Wondering if he is thinking of me
Though it is doubtful as anyone can see
Because he left me long ago

And so I will forever stay this way
Always wondering about this guy
The one I will always hold in my heart
The one that had me from the start
The only guy that I will ever truly love
The one that got away

4. Free

So long I’ve waited for this day
So long I’ve waited for inner peace
So very long it had been
And now my agony had ceased.

I no longer feel the pain
That used to hurt me so
I am no longer haunted by him
This, for sure, I know.

His memory troubled me too long
And now I can let go
I have no other choice you see
Because it was that long ago.

Time has changed us both.
He feels for me no more.
I know this is the right choice.
So why do tears hit the floor?

I must face reality.
We will never be.
If he really cared for me,
Then he would tell me, wouldn’t he?

No, I will not go through this again.
Too many tears I’ve cried.
I refuse to be ruled by these emotions.
I refuse to keep on hurting inside.
His memory will be forgotten.
It is impossible for it to remain
Here inside my head
When we will never be the same.

So there you have it.
You no longer have a hold over me.
I’m free of you forever.
Finally I am free.






Thanks again! Good luck with finals everyone! <3 Danielle

Well, yesterday was the last day of classes! YAY! I'm so excited! Now all I have to do is live through finals, and I'll be home by Sunday evening! I can't wait! I'll be home before everyone else, but at least I get an early start on finding a job and signing up for summer classes. Last night was sooo much fun! The SING Alliance Party was definitely what I needed after these last few weeks of class. It was held at a local Gymnastics place with trampolines, rings, mats, and balance beams. It was a blast! I nearly got thrown off the trampoline a few times due to Chris and Brandon double jumping me, but I always got saved before I went flying off, so thank God for that! LOL! It was a lot of fun! We even ran through the show again, which amazed me considering I remembered all the moves. Not everyone was there yet, including my couples partner, Brandon, but it was still amazing! It was so great to see everyone again! Especially those people that I hadn't seen since SING finished. It's so sad to know that we won't be seeing our senior friends like Lauren, Kristin, and Karen again. It definitely won't be the same without them! :.( As great as last night was, I'm a little soar. Sad I know, but I fell on my back on the trampoline, and my legs went flying over my head. It was fun until I woke up this morning. Oh, well... it's only a matter of time before I get over the pain. After the SING party I went to Brandon's house with Chris and we watched Moulin Rouge. I thought about not going, but seeing as it's now one of my favorite movies I couldn't resist. We tried to get Paige to come along, but she was the responsible one who went to bed and got up early to start studying. I should follow her example more often. But watching the movie was fun since Chris hadn't seen it before and decided to make a few comments that I found funny.

These last 2 weeks had been crazy with getting essays turned in and last minute exams. It was also filled with nights of watching Enterprise with the boys and some of their friends. I'm definitely going to miss those two this summer. We always have so much fun together,even if we are being nerds. Oh,well... there's always next year I guess...

My first final is Thursday. Then I have two on Friday and I will be finished with my last one Saturday at 4pm. Then it's packing time, and my dad will be here to get me on Sunday! YAY! I kinda wish this week would go by faster.

Well, that is all for now. "Back to studying" time! YAY! (NOT!) Hope everyone has a good last week of classes, and Good luck with y'alls finals! Take care all and God bless!

<3 Danielle

Well, I have no idea why I'm feeling the way I am. It's really depressing and I shouldn't be feeling this way but I am. I hate this feeling. It started out as just one of those moods I get into sometimes and I ended up crying. All I want to do is stop feeling like this. Is there no one who can help me? Why do I do this to myself? I know I should know better.... I DO know better.... and yet this happens anyway. Well, all I can say is I hope it gets better soon. The last thing I want to do is cry myself to sleep..... but it'll probably happen anyway. We'll see. Hope everyone else is feeling better than I am right now!

<3 Danielle

Well, only 2 days till I get to go home. After much planning and adjusting I finally found a way home. I'm catching a ride to San Marcos then my dad is coming up there to get me. So, yea! I can't wait... again! I want to see Gabri again, and a few other friends will be down too. I'm hoping for a nice interesting weekend, or at least one interesting situation so I can see how it turns out. You know, whether it will be the way I think it will, or not. Hopefully I'll get the chance to see. Oh, well... only 2 more days! Yea! Well, I hope everyone is having a good week so far. Take care everyone and God bless!

<3 Danielle

Well tonight was a good night! Yea! Brandon and I hung out together, and it was fun! We went to go eat at a restaurant that neither of us had tried that had live Jazz music. It was amazing! Lots of fun! After the eating our food, which was yummy, we went to go see Ice Age 2! It was too cute! I was laughing a lot. I liked it! But then again, I'm really into those types of movies. hehe! I thought it was cute. I think they showed Scrat more also, which made it all the funnier! (Not a real phrase I know) So, yeah... all together I thought it was a great night! I'm actually home early, but that's because I'm actually sleepy this early. Weird! I really need to stop going to bed at 3am every night so this doesn't happen to me on the weekends. Well, I'm out! Take care all and God bless!

<3 Danielle

Hey everyone! Well, I've got some good news! I'm feeling a lot better than I was on Monday! Yea! We had a day off today for Snowdia (diadeloso) here at school. And even though I still had an assignment due on a school holiday it wasn't that bad. Paige got to play in her snow... kinda... but yeah it was kinda fun, I will admit. FYI: Baylor brought in a snow maker and out a pile of snow in the fountain mall for people to play in. But yeah... these last 3 days have been a little interesting. Tuesday night I went to Swing and met 3 people I've met b4, on more than 1 occasion, again for the "1st time." It was insane! None of them remembered me! lol! It was actually kinda funny, sad.... but funny. I wore my hair down for once so maybe that was it. IDK. It was weird. After Swing I went to go hang out at Brandon's place with him and Chris to watch Enterprise. It's still nerdy, but I always have a good time anyway. I've almost memorized the song that plays at the beginning! Creepy! Star said I would learn it in time, and I've actually memorized parts of it! I'm becoming a nerd! j/k! Gosh, I hope not. Oh well... Wednesday was pretty much the same thing as well except I got homemade French bread pizza with the last few episodes of the 2nd Enterprise season. The guys are all excited about getting to start the 3rd season. So excited in fact that they are hilarious when they talk about it. Tonight I hung out with Brandon for a while. I helped him make himself some dinner, and stuff so that was fun. Tomorrow we're supposed to go out to eat and then to see Ice Age 2, so we'll see how that turns out! Fun fun fun! I'm so glad we've been able to stay friends! Yup yup yup! Well, I better get back to studying for my exam for tomorrow and then it's off to bed! Hope everyone has a great Friday! TGIF! Take care and God bless everyone!

<3 Danielle

Have you ever felt like you have just been let down by someone you actually cared about or thought you could really care for? I have, and it's happened way too many times for me to handle. I really can't take it anymore. You know, some people are so hypocritical it makes me sick. They tell you about how someone hurt them in the past, how they led them on and them let them down, and then they turn around and do the exact same thing to you. They've already told you how much it hurt them when it happened to them, and yet they do it to you anyway. I really hate that! What is up with that anyway? IDK. I'm just sick and tired of it. I hate the fact that this happens to a lot of people, especially me. I know that life isn't fair, and that love hurts, and all those other depressing sayings, but just b/c u know how life is doesn't make it any easier when ur hurt again by someone you care about. Oh well.... these are just my thoughts right now. I went from being really happy all day to being totally depressed within a 5 minute time period. Maybe less. Oh well... life sucks and I guess I'll just have to keep on trying to get used to it. Hope everyone else is feeling better than I am right now.